I did go to the doctor finally and with the exam and everything that he did, he believes I have PCOS. Basically, I am just 1/3 less fertile than most women. So I get to try 1/3 extra to have a baby. I don't mind the extra effort. Maybe it will make my kids more athletic, and try 1/3 more in their schooling, and spiritual goals. It is a whole different game though, practicing your trust in the Lord when it is something that you want more than anything else in this world.
I have to admit, I have tried compromising with Heavenly Father, you know- "If I get pregnant this month, I will give thee tal cosa." It really doesn't work like that, I know, but there are some days you just can't stop thinking about it.
I have come to many realizations through this whole process, and the biggest one, is that the Lord has the best timing. He knows when the best time is for me to have a baby. The one thing that he has helped me to see, is that there are many in this world, who long to have children, and then never do. Or they are born and die a few days later. Or, they loose them in youth. There are many more examples where a loss is felt.
My mother-in-law is a blessing in my life. She has been the most incredible example to me of faith beyond loss. She has had a few miscarriages, and one daughter who passed away when she was 18. That didn't stop her from realizing that the eternity goes so beyond this life. She has names for her children that were never born, and she talks often to her children about how things will be when they are all together. She feels the influence of her 18 year old often, and shares those experiences with her kids.
This is but a summary of the testimony that burns within her. She is strong because she is built upon the rock of our Savior Jesus Christ, and when those winds come, and Satan tries to tell her that she "will never see her kids again"- she can cry in response, "Not true, I will see them again. I know because of the Savior, and the binding promises we made in the temple, my family is eternal."
There are many who have felt this truth ring within them. I know it is true as well. Even if I weren't blessed with children in this life, I have the opportunity to have children in the next life, and because of those binding promises I have made in the temple, the commandments that I will live, and though the POWER of the atonement of our Savior, any blessings that were "denied in this life will be given in the eternities."(True to the Faith:Atonement)
5 comments:
Hi Camille! I don't know you personally, but I went to school with Justin, Lauren, and Allisa. I saw your post on Facebook & want to thank you for this blog post. Two years ago, I was told I have PCOS and though I'm not close to having kids (heck, I'm not even married!), it has always been a fear of mine that the infertility risk associated with PCOS will be a struggle. Yet, I know the Lord is in control & I appreciate this post about timing! Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.
I love you Camille! I think of you often and how you and Justin are so beautiful and wonderful. Whenever the Lord blesses you with children, I know that you two will be the most amazing parents. And I'm not just saying that to be nice, you know me, I truly believe it. Again, I love you. And the Lord loves and know you. Let me know if/how I can ever be of help.
The Lord's timing is something I've been thinking and pondering upon a lot lately. Somehow, it seems that we only talk about it when things don't work out the way we think they should or want them to. Because I hate it when people tell me "it will happens in the Lord's time" (which I'm not knocking, because it's true, I'm just impatient and stubborn), I'll just say that I love you just the way you are, and I know you're perfectly capable of being happy in whatever situation you find yourself - especially with such an awesome husband at your side. ^_^
Anthony & I have been married for 6 years, trying to have babies for 4. When I went to the OB and told her I have an extremely irregular cycle she told me it sounds like I’m not ovulating and said “I won’t even waste your time, lets get you linked up with a specialist.” I told few people about this, but the ones I did got all happy for me because “now you can get it fixed”… and didn’t understand why I was sad. I’m not happy that I can go to a fertility specialist to give me pills and injections and find other routes when my fears were just confirmed. Something is wrong with my body. Turns out my insurance covers 0% of infertility appointments anyway, so that on on top of Anthony’s cancer bills means even if I wanted to go to a specialist, I can’t at this time. So instead, I’m going to continue to try and get healthy. I’m trying to eat healthier foods and exercise because I heard losing weight can help with PCOS, but you never really know. The point of all of this is to tell you that I totally understand how you feel. You're not alone. Love you both, keep your chin up. It'll happen when it's supposed to.
Oh Cami, I'm SO sorry you are struggling. Thank you so much for posting this, it's really helped me! I cried reading this, because you wrote down exactly what I've been feeling lately and even though it's a situation I wouldn't wish on anyone, it's nice to have someone to talk to and relate to. Mike and I have been trying for our 2nd for a year and a half and haven't been able to become pregnant. We are SO lucky and feel SO blessed to have Jace, but at the same time we want another baby so badly and feel so guilty that Jace doesn't have a sibling- We don't know if we'll ever be able to give him one since the doctors can't figure out whats wrong with me. It's been really hard on me, especially the last few months. I really liked what you said about the Lord's timing and how he knows when the right time is. It brought me a lot of comfort. You're so positive and I need to be more like that. Thank you so much for posting this and I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. We can support each other! I love you and I hope you two get your little miracle soon!
Post a Comment